Me Ol' China, week... whatever.. I will count them sometimes.

Hello Me Ol’ Chinasw,

sorry I am a bit late but it has been a very hectic week both work wise and in my private life. I have a friend over from Australia and we have been very busy during the weekend for some touring activities.

So, the first thing I can say is that he loves Beijing and he realises that the Chinese capital is not the way Western media tend to describe it. He is impressed by the same things I was impressed about. If you read the first weeks you will understand what I am talking about: people spirit and attitude, friendliness, food, especially Western burgers and KFC, cleanliness of the public parts and the attitude they have towards guest and so on. Nuff said, if he wants he will send a blog in and I will publish His Ol’ China.

Last week I decided to go to the hospital for my chest pain and for my cough... It was a bloody nightmare between doctors that will assume that the heavy chest was due to a possible heart attack and ruled out bronchitis and so on as something too obvious. So I had, ECG, X rays, blood test, antibiotics, a huge quantity of drugs that should last for my entire life and, one week later, voila', still same pain and still the same cough. But in the meantime I got shaved thoroughly, and I am not talking about the bears, I got a few bruises in my arm as, first time in my life a nurse could not find the veins. I had around 5 ECG taken (“but you will pay only one, don’t worry”, I wasn’t going to get worried) and 500 Euro later I am still back to square one with heavy chest, cough and high temperature. Brilliant! Recommendation, try to find a Western doctor, while in Europe they discover that you had a cancer after you had taken one year of couch mixture, over here they scare the living hell out of you because hospitals are shops and they sell you everything, including medicines. Some tests taken a month ago were not good enough for my doctor… Anyway, no more! Now looking for another one, hopefully a Big Big Big Huge Nose!

Even the traditional medicine remedy has not helped, actually the cough mixture is so sweet that just by itself has upset my diabetes! It is tasty and I think that if they bottle it and send it to Europe it will be the Coca Cole of the 21st century! I was going to try it with Red Bull or Vodka but then I can’t but I am looking for volunteers!

Weight is constantly on the rise despite the gym and the mood is the worst I had in ages. This is due to some personal issues that are affected by some business related ones.

You know that amongst the ten things you must do in China there is "take a crap in a public toilet squatting 20/40 centimeters by a Chinese guy man smoking a cigarette and cracking wind while talking to you"? I didn't go that far. I didn't go to a one-star Turkish toilet, I could not possibly have a conversation with a Chinese cracking wind, but I had a close encounter to something similar, twice in a few days. The first time, in my office. I went to relieve my bladder and there he was this short man sitting on the toilet fiddling with his mobile and smoking a cigarette while having a crap. With his trousers down and with the door completely open. But the guy wasn't rude at all and he welcomed me in his "smoky and smelly corner" with a convinced and warm "Ni Hao!". I answered back but frankly I felt very uncomfortable in taking a piss with him looking at me while sitting on the toilet and I just moved out. I know I have been rude, nbext time I see him taking a shit I will go to shake his hand and compliment him for the smell…

The second sighting was seeing a guy sitting In a bog on a busy road in Beijing, Beijing Railway Station Street, relieving his bowels with the door open in one of those prefab toilets they use normally for events. It was Saturday morning and people were passing by... What a sight! At least no smell... But the guy was pretty rude as he was not saying hello to all the by-passers. Next time I will go to tell him something, we need to train people for the Olympics hospitality, for God sake!

But the event of the week was the Peking Opera. Oh my my... Arrived to a theatre with no A/C working in one of the hottest day of the year so far, I had the feeling I would not have enjoyed it... somehow...
The teathre was big and big tables, 280 Yuan to assist to a show that defining characteristic and unique is reductive. Beautiful (painted) masks, incredible voices, beautiful mimics, great athlete conditions but, somehow, still too boring...

A one hour show... A very long one hour show. The story synopsis on a display in English telling you what you were going to see, seeing and seen: people dancing, acting, singing something completely different.

Let me give you an example of the stories going on. The emperor goes to war and decides to meet his favourite concubine for the last time before going. The concubine hit by the pain suicides after 15 minutes of miaowing and moving the head (I am sure she has beheaded herself many times during this performance). Well... no sign of suicide. The Chinese Madame Butterfly doesn't show much of her pain, actually her singing causes quite a lot of pain to our ears and to the emperor one. I am sure that he would have taken his life if she hadn’t done it before. Another story. Someone travelling meets someone else travelling. This someone else mixes up the guy for someone else and decides to kill him in the night. Once the guy goes to bed the assassin sneaks in the room and tries to kill him. The whole fighting goes on in the dark (but unfortunately we can see it) so they cannot see each other. Only the arrival of a lady in the room with a candle makes them understand that this is a misunderstanding. I am still wondering how he understood it was not him when he clearly saw the guy in the daylight few minutes before and where the hell is the lady with the candle considering that no lady enters the scene...
Another one, the last one.

The monkey king doesn’t get invited to a party and he gets pissed off. So starts fighting against all the other kings and defeats them. It takes a good 10 minutes, out of 15 to understand who the Monkey King is and, frankly the display didn’t say what would have happened next.

Anyway, still not the worst thing I have seen in my life. I recommend it highly to every visitor to Beijing. Ballet still takes the prize as the most boring form of art ever invented by humans and beasts. I rather look at an Italian talk show that rates just a notch above the Peking Opera.

I have sent a mail to my landlord to inform him that he has to find another tenant as I am fed up of the place I am living in. He has not replied yet. I am sure that in China you tell your landlord you want to live sending a mail to his neighbour... One of the characteristics of Chinese is the fear of straightforwardness. After a month of smell of solvents and dust I am literally fed up and I will be looking for a new apartment in September... it is going to be very tough and not due to the lack of properties available but for the opposite reason: after the Olympic there will be quite a few properties available. I think that i got an idea about the area and when my family will be over I will go to look around there but, frankly I am really tired of paying prices for Western comforts and get Chinese discomforts at treble the price! Enough is enough!

In the meantime, in my building they have changed, once again, the direction of the escalators. in a country that prizes itself for being "blind people friendly" i find rather offensive and silly changing the escalators directions every 3 weeks... Blind people are facilitated in the streets by some special patterns on the ground that really hurt the hell out of you if you walk on them. They are some vertical humps that help you to through away your shoes and some round humps. The vertical ones show the direction while the rounds once show a change in direction. So at traffic lights, crossroads or even change of lanes on the same pavement, these round hums help blind people to find their ways. Excellent!

The Subway is taking a new shape. The introduction of new gates is disrupting the commuters’ lives. There are more accidents and congestions in the subway stations than in the ring roads in Beijing and it will be even worse when the new electronic gates will be working... Imagine you arrive to the ticket area and you end up perpendicularly with a queue of people buying their tickets. Beyond the queue there is the electronic ticket checking gate... Passing a queue formed by Chinese is pretty impossible, they stick to each other as little kittens and breaking this human Great Wall is not easy. Once you pass through you have the (out of service) barriers that reduce considerably the accessibility to the stairs to go down to the platforms and you have people coming in the opposite direction... a mess! Add to the mess the Chinese educational activities... Yes, there is a lady or a bloke telling you to stay in line and use the right hand stair case to go down and leave free the left hand one to people coming up... Simple, if it wasn't for the fact that there is no otehr person on the bottom of the stair case telling those coming up to use their right hand staircase... Here we go with all people in the same side of the staircase and your 10 minutes have gone....

Once you are in the trains, especially the new once, you can enjoy the Olympic display. China is trying to prepare Beijingers to the Olympic Games not only in terms of behaviour but also, they aim to explain to Chinese the rules of Beach Volley, or Soccer or Archery and Rowing. A non stop display, actually, several in every carriage, show with animations and images the rules for all the disciplines. Fantastic idea, I think. Except that you get pushed at stops because people are distracted by the Volleyball ladies and miss or nearly miss their stops. I have to admit that I voluntarily missed some stops last week just to look at the rules of modern heptathlon.

Last week I was to Ri Tan Park, twice. Once for a great walk, you can see some of the pictures in the new album, and another time to meet with a friend to listen to some Mongolian music. I have to admit that I loved it but I was really surprised in seeing that this place was a gay gathering place. Even when I went to Destination, the most famous gay disco/bar in Beijing, I saw more straight people around me. It was a nice atmosphere but I find Big Noses rather annoying when they are loud and try to compete on the size and play the game of those who piss farther.... I find their attitude rather annoying. they like you to hear what they say. They love talking bullshit and they like the ostentation of whatever they are or they have. The more I am around here the more I realise how annoying we are; with our colonial spirit and our British, Australian, French accent and attitude that makes us feel superior. They are mainly embassy folks anyway that do nothing to make a living and you guys pay them to do it at their best!

Ri Tan Park, The Park of the Temple of the Sun, is something not to miss. Highly recommended. You are in the middle of Beijing but feel completely out of it. Scent of flowers, beautiful artificial rockery lake, and small hills with people singing on top of little pavilions overlooking the park... A must see! I loved it; this will become my corner of peace while in Beijing.

Visas… Getting a Visa to China is becoming a nightmare. According to the government everything is ok but it is not true. There is a school that is going to close because the foreign language teachers cannot get their Visa. I do not understand what kind of policy they are putting in place to be honest. I got problems myself in organizing meetings with overseas visitors… It’s a nightmare.

While in Italy we create the crime for “illegal immigration”, over here even those who have a job or a business have to leave. Unbelievable!

I think that too much sympathy form the world, except the Sharon Stone’s remark that should be Stoned for her tactless being, is not being too good.

Listen to this one: NBA matches have been canceled… As you know, I mentioned before, there are mote people watching Basketball than smoking cigarettes in China.
It is not compatible with the current spirit of China… I agree, at a certain extent. So, what will the TV broadcast? You will say.. .A special about the earthquake? Too easy… Try again… Perhaps some kids stories or cartoon (strictly Chinese made!)? Naaaaa… the will broadcast some Basketball matches!!! Yes, but they are not live, they are repeats! Bloody marvelous solution! So they know the result already and there is no excitement or celebrations if a team wins! Wow!


Hey guys! Must go to the gym. Talk to you next week! Cheers!