Me Ol' China (week 24, I suppose...)

“seeking a middle-aged man who would willing to put his name on my family’s gravestone. AND would want to listen to this story.”


Isn’t it beautiful? Or this other one:


Here is the DEAL:


You pay housing, I clean or arrange ayi to clean it(using your money);
You buy food, I cook or pick restaurants;
You decide what to do and where to go, I make sure you will be merry(I can also help you with making those decisions too);
You give me a number, I help organize to spend them, and spend them well.


It is a tie so far. But I can do so much more than above, as followed:


I take off your shoes when you are home;
I massage;
I (…);
I admire you;
I feed you;
I tell jokes, both in English and Chinese;
I run your bath water;
I brush your hair comfortably;
I sing you songs;
I dance you dances;
I take off your cuff links before you ask;
I rub your feet;
I do your manicure;
I hold you in my arms;
I take your stress away by all ways;
I know what I am doing;
I assure you I am willing;
I tie your shoestrings before you are going to work;
I keep myself up when you come home late;
I keep your hair fixed, keep you the hottest outfits;
I give you my breath, my strength;
I fulfill each of your desire;
I take your wish as command;
I listen to every single word you say, even when you are casual or drunk;
I make sure you are more satisfied than myself ever could be;
I am proud of whatever you do;
I pour out a different love letter every day;
I aspire you more day after day;
I got your slippers before and after you take a bath;
I do anything for you, my man.


If you like what you just read. Then we can try to work out how we should do dishes and laundry by turns(very important)!!


Ideal candidates should be in CBD or Chaoyang District, becuase that's where I work and get paid greatly at.

Well well well… Which one would you Big Nose men choose, if the second ad was not a request for a Rich boyfriend made by a 22 years old boy?


Think twice, especially those of you who are married. How many of those things listed you do and how many your wife/partner doesn’t do?
Living in China is making me realize more and more how honest Chinese are in their requests. Do you remember the initial blogs where I used to citicise or being surprised by the fact that nothing is for free in this country? I think that the same principle applies to the whole world. I would personally love to have a wife like the boy in the second advert and I think most of readers would. What I find rather worrying is the first ad… It looks nice but, I think, it hides such a boring person well bound in traditional strings… A sort of prison from which not even the main character of Prison Break would be able to escape.


How about the week gone? Fairly bad week. My family has been hit by a tragic fatality, an old friend of mine has died, my car has been stolen and I am considering, seriously, to resign my job. Anything else could have gone wrong? I am sure it could have, especially if we look at this 2008 in China that is continuing with tragedies. Last week a few dozens people have died in Beijing area after a mudslide covered a factory. It was a terrible afternoon. All of a sudden, at 17:00 the sky had turned black. It was black as a night without moon. For more than 2 hours strong heavy rain has flooded the roads of Beijing and only around 19:30 the sky has returned at its natural brightness. Unfortunately back home on CCTV the sad news of more tragedies for this country. In the mean time after the millions being evacuated from the earthquake areas due to what have been defined seismic lakes, the heavy torrential rains have started hitting the southern part of China making more damages and killing more people.


Add to the loss of lives and costs that this 2008 is carrying with it, the stock exchange collapse and you will understand that Chinese are not happy bunnies these days. More than 43% down from January and 60% from the highest level reached in October 2007, Shanghai exchange index has been bringing misery to millions of families.


Add to this the current difficulties the country is experiencing for the export, inflation and a few more economic indicators and, I tell you, the number 8 will not be a lucky number anymore.
I read of some people that are going to marry on 8th August 08 are seriously thinking of changing dates.


Anyway, I will not comment the current economic situation and the measures the government is putting in place to avoid very heavy problems, but, at the eyes of the west, I am sure that the situation can seem rather worrisome. The growth is still sustained and internal consumptions are ok but, beware… China is not healthy and sound as it seemed.


I mentioned the loss of a family member, and I want to express my condolences to my mother for the loss of one of her nephews in an absurd way: hit by a car while running a cycling competition. Behind a skid mark there are a 6 and a 3 years old children left and a 30 years old wife.


Just three days before coming to Italy, my wife had our family car stolen down in Rome. Cool! We were worried about parking it somewhere while she will be here in China. We solved the problem, someone else has thought about it for us.


I had some blood tests taken as part of a major check up trying to understand the problems I still have in breathing and after ECG, X rays, blood tests of any type, including Siphilis, Gonorrhea, HIV, Hepatitis, Herpes, TB and God knows what else, I have found out that I am clean and that I could even take part in a porn movie without anybody getting worried of getting something! Wow, this is an achievement. But, there is still one problem. I cannot breath properly and, at this point, seems to be clear that I have developed a sort of asthma. If I only think that all the yellow haze and smoke I see outside goes in my lungs, frankly, it is the minimum I could get.


Work situation… Can we avoid talking about it, please? Thank you.


Beijing Station is still not open and the 3rd week without the nearby station open has been really tough. Temperatures are going sky rocket and constantly above 30 degrees and humid. Absolutely unbearable.


This coming week my family will be spending 2 months over here and I am really looking forward to let them see, through my eyes, what I love about this place and why I love it and I will do as much as I can to stay over here.


This week I tried the bravest thing ever so far in China: went to the hairdresser. Franky I am not happy about the job they have done but, folks, I hope my hair will grow fast as hell to go there again. For 60 RMB I am welcomed by a pretty chubby young lady that starts massaging my head and with a bit of shampoo and a squirting bottle starts massaging and washng my hair in a semi-dry shampoo style. It goes for 15 minutes! 15 minutes of head massage and shoulders, arms and back. Time to wash the shampoo off. You lie down, literally, on a mattress and she washes your hair without you having to keep your head up or else: imagine having your hair washed while lying down on a bed.


After the hair cut, back to wash you hair with another 5 to 10 minutes massage and… 60 RMB lighter and a big smile on your face!


F A N T A S T I C


My barber in Italy gets 150 RMB and in 10 minutes we are done including the shampoo with the soap and water dripping down my shirt…


I have tried some other delicacies this week: abalone and shark fin. Frankly I didn’t know that my colleague ordered shark fin as I would have said no due to the cruelty involved in the killing of the poor fish. And, now that I tried it, I would really beg anyone not to order it. The abalone and mushroom soup it’s lovely, but leave the poor sharks alone. Even a Chinese colleague told me that it is really stupid to eat that stuff considering that there are other ingredients that could give the same taste to your soups. However, I couldn’t eat the abalone. That worm in my soup was too much to swallow… Same for the jelly fish.. Frankly, I couldn’t understand what can anyone find pleasant about that gelatinous stuff going down the throat. I am sure that my hair gel gives the same sensations.


Another two new experiences this week: a Russian restaurant, PECTAURAN POCCIJA and a disco bar in the area named Gongti, where Destination and other popular bars are located. Let’s look at the restaurant first.


All red neon lights outside with the Cyrillic name reminds you more of a US highway motel than a Russian restaurant but when you enter the surprise. It’s all dark and red. Full of Russian big noses sitting down facing a stage where a trio composed by a Chinese man, a Mongolian woman and a Russian, actually Byelorussian man are singing. The blond bloke plays the guitar and pushes some buttons for the musical base while the two oriental singers move in sync with the same step just changing the speed. The voice of the Big nose is terrifying while the only one with a decent voice, the Chinese man, doesn’t sing much and his voice it’s heard only when the lady cannot remember the words of the song. All tables facing the stage and at every table there are either couples of Russians or oriental couples. Not many mixed couples. The waitress are all Chinese with their tag name in Russian: Tania, Anastasija, Natasha, Dmitry amongst the names of the many waitress and waitresses going up and down the tables. The menu has food for both Russians and Chinese tastes and the Fried Cheese I tried is lovely. The usual Russian ladies group sitting and eyeing big noses around, they are all fat. I haven’t noticed a good looking Russian lady or bloke in the big restaurant. The red lights and the Russian TV channels broadcasting some Russian TV series, makes everything seem so unreal. Except for the big blonde lady dancing all night like a horse and her partner looking at her as an artist would look at his masterpiece that has turned to be much nicer than he expected, all the others seem particularly pleased about the music the folks propose but not too much excitement, hey guys! We are Russians! The music goes by slowly, tooooooo slowly and at a certain point a bunch of good looking latin-american ladies and blokes take the stage performing some latin dance, some belly dancing and a sort of classical ballet. 10 minutes and off they go leaving the stage, again to the previous trio. One Cheese plate, 3 cognac, 2 beers and one coke for 177 RMB! Well worth the experience!


A bit more expensive is the other experience: Angel. A beautiful bar disco. My friend took me there to show me a bar that is attended by Chinese. They call them Chinese bars. The only thing really Chinese is the people hanging around as all the rest, from music to settings, Is everything but Chinese… Beautiful bar and, I have to admit, even more beautiful girls. Many girls. A sheik’s paradise. However, despite their very young age they are already all well into the business and, once again, Beijing shows its face of one of the biggest centres for mercenary sex.


It was two westerners and one Chinese lady and I didn’t spot any other westerner around. Pointless saying that the girls were all looking at us and imagine how big we were in the lower parts of our bodies, especially in the wallet area… Big smiles from all over and after 10 minutes of arguments between our host and a waiter concerning the minimum amount we had to spend to stay at the bar, we managed to get a long island ice tea, a gin tonic and a mojito for 150 RMB. A guy asked our host where we were from and when he heard that I was Italian and my mate French, he seemed very pleased of shaking hand to a “World Chimpions” (Chimpion it’s not misspelled, that’s the way he said) and he start mocking my French pal for the loss of the world championship final and the recent elimination from euro 2008. Add to this the big boycott story about Tibet and French products and here we go, not even half Long Island later we are out of the bar to avoid any fighting.


Beijing. Beijing is more and more a western city and being here, for me, it’s an opportunity that I would have never missed for anything in the world.


I would like to appeal to those who think about moving to China but are afraid of doing the big step. Believe me guys, it takes more courage to stay in Europe than coming to live in China. People are fantastic, food is great, the city offers a lot for all tastes, cost of living is low and quality is high. Yes there are language barriers and communication problems but, come on, if it was all perfect you would have paid to be here and not vice-versa. This is Beijing is not Club Med. So, if you got the opportunity, come and enjoy Beijing and let all the bullshit fly without hitting you. Those who know me know that I am someone who is always very critical about places and people and sometimes I am intolerant, so, if I tell you that Beijing is a great place whether you are single or accompanied or with kids, this is THE place to be!


Love you and leave you guys! Work to do! Big hugs Me Ol’ China and will communicate next week.


Sorry but this blog has not gone through a second reading and spell check. Kisses and hugs!


Oh, shoot! I forgot… a friend from NYC asked me if I could find two tickets for the opening ceremony. Mate, I got one, let me know if you need it: I have one ticket of Beijing Olympic Opening Ceremonies for transferring. The price is RMB50,000 or USD10000. Please contact me with email. I am in Beijing now.